Survival tips for the home-sweet-homebound

I’m a freelance writer and editor, which means that I make all of my money sitting at a desk in my home office.  I’m also a stay-at-home mom. In short, I get the best of both worlds. I have the privilege of changing all of the diapers and making goofy faces all day at my adoring peanut while maintaining my career in publishing. I work part-time, and I can control the amount of work on my plate, so I will be the first to say I am pretty darn lucky. But balancing these two huge responsibilities is quite a feat, and I’m still getting used to it. 


Even before I had my son, I knew that I wanted to work, but I also wanted to be at home. Thankfully, I chose a career that lets me do both. However, staying at home with the baby and working from home means that some days I don’t cross the threshold of the front door, and the only conversations I have are with a six-month-old who just pooped his pants. 



To keep my sanity, I live by the following eight rules:


1. Maintain self respect. I may be a stay-at-home mom, but I don’t necessarily want to look like one. There are days when I look at my legs and realized I haven’t shaved them since...hmmm...well, I don’t know. It happens. But when I consider wearing the over-sized cat-fur covered coat out in public, I think  “Self respect, Liz. Self respect” and I reach for something a little more stylish. It’s easy to think “No one is going to see me, so what is the difference?” It takes a conscious effort to put on a pair of earrings or choose ballet flats over sneakers. But what a difference these little gestures make! If you end up in a photo with the baby or running into an old colleague at the grocery store, you’ll be glad you traded in the spit-up stained t-shirt for something a little more fashionable (and clean). 


2. Get out of the house. I try to get out of the house every day. Sometimes, it is just for a half-hour walk, but in general, I try to make plans with other human beings. Play dates, parent-baby swim classes at the YMCA, library story hours--there are tons of activities out there for parents and babies. Do them. It gives your week a sense of structure and forces you meet other people who are in the same boat. It’s also good for the baby to be in different venues and socialize with other people. It can be hard at first, but once you get into a routine, it’s worth it. Believe me, I felt absolutely ridiculous at the library story hour, singing “Twinkle Twinkle” to my son who just looked at me like “What the F are you doing?” but it was nice to be in a room with other people and have a conversation that involved more vocabulary words than “poop” and “peek-a-boo.” 


Not only is it important to get out of the house with baby, but everyone needs some time out of the house on their own. Every Thursday night, even if I don’t particularly feel like it, I go to my dance class. It’s nice to hang out with other women, listen to really loud music, and get some exercise. My husband is particularly great when it comes to forcing me out of the house--even if it means that he stays home with the baby while I go hang out with our friends. You need an occasional dose of adult, or else your soul battery will run low. 


3. Get a babysitter. Depending on my work load, there are times I have to work after the baby goes to bed, but I don’t want to work every night, which is what I would do if I didn’t have a babysitter. I am super lucky because my son’s babysitter is one of my BFFs, lives five minutes down the street, and is a trained childcare provider. My son goes to her house two days a week, during which time I sit at my desk at home and pound out my work. Although I try desperately not to take advantage of her generosity, I deeply appreciate her flexibility. If I arrive to pick up my son and he is still napping, we hang out until he wakes up. If I’m 15 minutes late dropping him off, it’s no big deal. I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is to have someone I trust to take care of my baby so I can work, uninterrupted, for 12 hours a week. 


4. Don’t expect to get any work done during the day.  I may check my e-mail during the day, but in general, when I’m home with my son, I’m home with my son. Work can wait until after he goes to bed or he goes to the baby sitter’s house. For what felt like the longest time, the peanut napped 40 minutes at a time and could only stand to be awake for an hour and a half. The routine was exhausting, and I needed those 40 minute breaks to get stuff done around the house or do a little something for myself, such as read a magazine. Now, my son will occasionally surprise me with a longer nap, but I never know when that’s going to happen, so I don’t dare start researching or writing. Few things are more frustrating than constantly being torn out of the zone. Hence, I wait to work until I know I have enough time to finish a thought.  


5. Have a dedicated work space. People who work outside of the home have a bit of an advantage--when they leave work, they actually leave work. It’s a mental cue to transition from one part of the day to the next. Under my current circumstances, when I leave work, I walk into the next room. My laptop is all but tethered to my desk because I don’t want to get in the habit of plopping on the couch to work in the evenings. The couch is a happy place where the family relaxes. If you start bringing your work wherever you go, it starts to feel like a ball and chain. Pick a spot in your house and do all of your work there. It makes it easier to get out of work mode when you’re doing other activities. 


6. Let your plans be known. Don’t wait until your spouse is popping a romantic movie in the DVD player to inform him or her that you have to work tonight. Being a planner, I let my husband know on Friday night if I need to work on Saturday or Sunday (thus, he’s on baby duty). That way, he can plan his days and not feel like my schedule is taking over our lives. And be specific. Instead of “At some point tomorrow, I’d like to work a bit,” say “I’d like to work tomorrow afternoon from 2:00 to 5:00. Do you mind being on baby duty during that time?” Hint: This strategy also works well when you want to work out. 


7. Don’t let work sneak into every free moment. When you’re working from home and have a handy dandy smartphone, it’s easy to let work sneak into every free moment. A couple of weeks ago, I started feeling down, and I realized it was because I wasn’t doing any of the solo activities I once enjoyed. For about a week, during baby’s late afternoon nap, I forced myself to sit down and read a book that I had started back in November. It may only have been for 30 to 45 minutes at a time, but the time spent doing something enjoyable (i.e., not working or doing chores) perked me right up. 


8. Don’t defend yourself. Being a working stay-at-home mom, I’m in the middle of an interesting dynamic. On the one side, you have the working moms, and on the other, you have stay-at-home moms. Working moms tend to have a “Oh, isn’t that nice for you” attitude toward stay-at-home moms, and sometimes stay-at-home moms have a “You should be at home with your children” attitude toward working moms. I have mama friends in both camps, and I am here to say that no mama should have to defend herself. Every family makes the choices that are best for them at the time. Granted, some mamas work because they have to, and some stay-at-home mamas would rather be working, but instead of passing judgment, let’s be as supportive as we can toward each other. Just because you’re home all day or at work all day doesn’t mean you’re less of a mother or less of a person than another mama.