Working full time, staying at home, and everything in between

Personally, I think Gen X and Gen Y moms have a unique set of factors influencing their decisions to work or stay at home with their kids. Many of our grandmothers didn't work, but many of our mothers did--not just because they had to to make ends meet, but because they wanted to. Women weren't limited to being teachers or secretaries anymore; they could be whatever they wanted, so they did, and boy have we kicked ass out there.

But the sagging economy and the modern societal expectation that women should work outside of the home have made it difficult for many women who want to stay at home with their children to do so.

Now, don't get me wrong--I wouldn't go back in time and reverse the women's movement that fueled said ass kicking. I'd be pretty pissed if I was expected to stay at home to stitch samplers and make preserves. Women fought to be equals in the workforce, and now we are (for the most part, anyway). The problem is that as we have taken on more responsibility in the workplace, our home responsibilities haven't decreased, and there just isn't enough time or energy for all of it.

This is not to say that men don't feel pressure or that they are not helpful with the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing; I see so many dads, including my husband, stepping up to the plate (and then washing it and putting it away) in a way that previous generations didn't. The only thing I fault them with is that no matter how hard we try, they will ALWAYS get the easy end of the deal when it comes to making the children (am I right ladies?).


So many women I know, including myself, are trying to do it all: work, keep the house from imploding, raise children, and put a decent dinner on the table. Our husbands don't expect this, our friends don't expect this (some of mine even balk), but it stresses us out--okay, at least me because I'm Type A. Am I alone here? So, to dig deeper into the issue, The New Mama Diaries has embarked on a mission to interview mothers in different situations to see what prompted their decisions to stay at home or to work and what they like and don't like about the deal. Let's start with Jenn, a mama friend of mine with two girls, ages 5 and 18 months, who works full-time and has a part-time business on the side.

1. What prompted your decision to work or stay at home?
Owning a home, and wanting to maintain a certain lifestyle prompted my decision to continue to work.  That meant that my daughter would have to go into daycare. And with the cost of daycare, that meant I would have to be a FULL-time working mother, and could not afford to work part time. One decision led to the other. In my field, it's all or nothing. Unless I made a career change, I work 24/7 whether I like it or not. I also think it is very important to have your child among other children at a very early age. It teaches socialization and tolerance skills that you could not teach at home alone.

2. What do you like about working or staying at home?
What I like about work is the social interaction with adults and the continuous learning experience. If I was a stay-at-home mom, I would lose the edge on what I am personally learning every day. There is still a thirst for knowledge that I don't think I would be able to fulfill as a stay at home mom. The opportunities I get through work would/could not be accomplished at home.

3. What aspect of working or staying at home do you find the hardest?
Keeping up with household duties. Feeling too burnt out on Friday night to get excited about the four birthday parties we have to attend that weekend. Not having access to the mom-to-mom bonding that stay-at-home moms have more opportunity to do. By the time I get home, I'm too spent to put effort toward contacting a friend to go out with. Oh right, and going out means spending the money I just worked 40 hours to earn that really should be going toward a new pair of pants for my kid who's growing like a weed. So yeah, forget about going out, I'll try it next month.  It's also hard to schedule play dates that are just PLAY dates. Weekends are full of family related stuff, while after school is dance and swim, and...and...and.  Finding time for my daughter to get together with HER friends is just as difficult as finding time for me to get together with my friends.

4. Do you want to change your working or non-working status? Why?
I would LOVE to be able to work part-time. Being able to be in the office, away from the kids for me is a must. But I still crave the 1950's life style of keeping my house immaculate and having dinner on the table by 5:30. Even though I work 7-3, this still does not happen. And I'd like to have time to pick up hobbies again.  Even my cake decorating is starting to suffer. I want to sit around and sew or read without a child yelling at me from the other side of the room, or one sitting in my lap while I push fabric through the machine.

5. Do you experience societal bias being a working or non-working mother?
Sometimes. I joined a Meetup group online so that I could find more ways to meet other moms or have more playdates for my child.  Yet, every time I suggest something after 4:00, I am told that it's too late.  Most events are scheduled for 1 p.m. or earlier.  I have personally never been told to my face that being a working mom is wrong, but when they tell me that they can't believe I don't make my own bread, sauce, canned food, or take my kids out more often, it snags the heart strings a bit.

Stay tuned for more interviews with mamas in full-time, part-time, and stay-at-home roles as they share their successes and struggles.