Working full time, staying at home, and everything in between: My story

So far, I've interviewed a mom who works full-time and a mom who stays at home. Now, it's time to share my story. I belong in that gray area in between. I freelance out of my home two days a week. During those days, my son goes to a family day care 15 minutes away, and I sit in my ugly home office and edit books, write articles, and check Facebook a lot. At times, this situation feels ideal. At other times, not so much. Part of me really misses going to work. I like critical thinking, problem solving, having adult conversations that don't revolve around offspring, and wearing real pants. My freelance work doesn't offer any of those. It's been a nagging dilemma for many moons now, and I suppose the best way to explain it is to interview myself.

1.  What prompted your decision to work or stay at home?
Before I even got pregnant, I knew I didn't want to juggle working full-time with raising a baby. I didn't feel like I could be a good mom and a good employee--the thought of being pulled in two different directions got me nervous. Plus, my job was frustrating, and the company I worked for didn't know which way was up, so I had the perfect out. I took it. Sue me.


2. What do you like about working or staying at home?
I like that with all the time we spend together, I really understand my son. Because we control our day, I'm able to maintain a solid schedule and choose fun, local activities. In good weather, I love being able to spend time outdoors, whereas if I worked full-time, I probably wouldn't see too much sun. I also enjoy being witness to most of the firsts--first time he makes an elephant noise, first time he pretend bakes brownies, and first time he correctly identifies the number 2.

3. What aspect of working or staying at home do you find the hardest?
OMG--the BOREDOM!! I've been putting off writing this post because it's hard to admit publicly that I don't love every single moment of being a parent. I'd take a bullet for my son, but there are days, particularly the third day in a row that we've been snowed in, that I think "I wish I was at work." One friend said of staying at home, "It requires stamina that I don't have." Yes. Stamina is the word. Stamina to explain everything slowly, to put on a toddler's shoes when he's acting like you're branding him with a hot iron, to hoist 25 pounds of human being dozens of times a day. To go over the ABCs again, and again, and again. Even when we go to story time at the library or run errands, it only temporarily quells the intellectual under-stimulation. I am, after all, going to the library to sing the "Itsy Bitsy Spider." When I expressed guilt over feeling unsatisfied, another friend said, "It's not horrible. You have very different intellectual needs than your toddler." Yes! I do! This is not to say that I don't love my son or enjoy time we have together, but it does mean that I relish every moment of nap time and have lots of hobbies.

4. Do you want to change your working or non-working status? Why?
I'd love to maintain my part-time hours but as an employee for a company. Freelancing is fickle. If business is booming, wonderful. If business is slow, I'm thrown off balance. With two solid days per week of honest-to-goodness, brain-tingling work, I can handle the other five days much better. If all seven days are "Red. That car is red," then I'm in trouble. A steady flow of predictable work would make life much easier. In an ideal situation, I'd even take off this fleece I've been wearing all winter and get my ass into a real office where I have a cubicle and a mug warmer. The only problem with this little "ideal situation" I've cooked up is that there aren't a whole love of high-level part-time jobs out there, and there is really no way to advance one's career on a part-time basis. I've looked and looked, but the right opportunity hasn't yet arrived, and maybe that's okay.

5. Do you experience societal bias being a working or non-working mother?
Personally, I have not. Most of the people that I see regularly are at the library story times or our weekly play group, so they're either working part-time or not at all. Most of my friends have kids and understand the work/home dilemma. Any pressure that I feel to work comes from me. I've had a job since I was 14, and it has been difficult wrapping my head around the fact that running a house and raising a child is a 24/7 job that gets paid with kisses, giggles, and finger paint smears on my shirt, not in dollars or promotions. In the words of my husband's uncle, "Never underestimate what you do at home."